Woman - In-Depth

Parental Alienation

The reality is and always will be that every child is 50% mom and 50% dad - this cannot change. What can change is when, and it always happens, the child starts asking why one parent lied about the other parent...

Anonymous writes:

I'm a 36-year-old- who is happily married and a father to a beautiful boy and a girl. I was raised by a single mom and when I was 22, I decided to find my father. After hating him my whole life, I showed up at his doorstep one day. I said my peace, which was years of pent up anger and heartache of a little broken hearted boy and he didn't even interrupt. He then thanked me for coming and for being so candid, and he calmly asked if I wanted to hear his 'truth'. He chose to show me paperwork and pictures. He sent me home with bundles telling me to take my time and that his door was always open to talk.

In the bundles, I learned of the fight, the pain, and the pure hell my DAD went through trying to be a part of my life. Equally maddening, I learned of the evil that my mother was. I read poems and his journal which helped form an instant bond between us because HE was the one there for me all along, the one who really cared about me. He lost his whole life. My mother did everything she could to destroy his reputation, his life, and to keep him from me; solely because "she didn't like him anymore" and surely a lot of jealousy.

Keeping me from a good dad. All the sleepless nights I had wondering what I did wrong or wondering what kind of dangerous freak helped to conceive me. And, I wondered if I held the same horrible fate. She told me so many lies over the years making me hate him more and more and making me pity her and feel like I had to comfort her for being a poor single parent. And I show up at this stranger's doorstep one day cussing him out, like he hadn't been beat and battered enough. And NOT once did he say an ill word about my mom.

I can't imagine if I hadn't worked up the guts to go to his door that day. I never would have known the great man I am privileged to call dad. My dad passed away last year. I only had 13 years with him but HE has made me the man and father I am today. My only regret now, is not knocking on his door sooner and ending his pain sooner. To all of the "kids" wondering, don't wait. Go find your answers now. To mothers and fathers fighting to be a part of your kid's life, you are all heroes in my book.



Frank Coetzee

Frank Coetzee


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